Everything:infravermelho

Jacob William Hansen
born at 3:27pm on 3-27-07 [notice the similarities between the time and the date]
7 pounds 7 ounces and 19 and 1/2 inches long!

welcome to the world little nephew! it sucks here! =)

life has been busy as usual, but not too busy. I can handle it. haha. I cannot wait for spring break though. I always feel SO much better after breaks. even though I still have to work... I am dropping my spanish class. It really is impossible for me to do it online. You just get a list of new words you're learning, and then you have to do quizzes and assignments on them, but I can't learn them because you dont speak them and you dont have any way to get them pounded into your brain like you would in a regular class. So I am going to take it next year at the college I think.

So far I have been to one "worship vision team" meeting and I really enjoyed it. I have learned in these meetings not to say too much, I just like to listen. Rick actually pointed me out for not saying anything, haha. But everyone else was saying really good things and I honestly didnt have anything to add. I think if the church really DOES something with the results these teams come up with it could be a very positive thing for our church. But I also think it would be very easy for them NOT to do anything and to just keep doing what we're doing. I mean we have been doing it for quite a while right?

I think I am going to buy a car soon. I found one on Craigslist that I really like. It is a '95 Mazda MX-3 with only 55 thousand miles on it! I am working out a payment plan with my dad. But you know how dad's are about cars, THEY want to pick it out for you, haha.

that is all for now...

sometimes I feel weak
like the world could crush me
that I could be swept right of my feet

sometimes I feel scared
like that no one's there

but I know that's not true

I feel not good enough
like I can't measure up
so I pretend I'm tough

I feel so left behind
why do I even try

let me see your truth
I know in your eyes
I know in your smile
I am yours.

You Are 23 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

I was going to put "slow", but that's not true. Really, there's only been like... 5 people in the past 2 1/2 hours I've been here. wow...

So I thought I would update my blog on my life. I have been working most of this week... except for Monday, I was really sick on Monday. I didnt go take the WASL this week because I have not been feeling very good, and I would rather skip out on it now and do it later when I know I could give my 100% best effort. I think my mom and dad think that I'm not taking it seriously, but really, I do take it VERY seriously. I need to pass all the sections to graduate, so I really didnt want to risk it and take it while I have been feeling sick.

This week I have also been trying to go to bed early... TRYING. I go to bed around 10:30 or 11:00pm [that's early for me] but then I can't fall asleep and end up tossing and turning until 1 or 2 in the morning. it's very frustrating. So I am going to keep trying going to bed early so I can wake up earlier. I think it's working, this morning I woke up at 9:30 without an alarm even. I have been trying to get caught up on my school work still. What's funny is that my math class is like my second highest grade, I am only missing a few assignments in that class. I actually like my math class, it's geometry, and it's pretty easy. I havent been able to log onto my spanish class, so I am missing a lot of assignments, I finally was able to get on today but it kicks me off after like 10 or 15 minutes.

I take my final drive in drivers ed this weekend, lets hope I pass!

I was asked to be on the worship vision team at my church, Rick Hanson said they were looking for a very "youthful person" [you mean young?] so I told him sure. I am anticipating how it will go. Justin so kindly reminded me to remember that I am on a "team" it's not all about me.

Im tired of being taken advantage of.

My sister constantly uses me and disrespects me and my stuff. Im tired of getting my cash stolen. Last night I realized someone has stole my cash yesterday, but of course Im NEVER going to get it back because no one will admit to it, and that just really makes me mad.

another example. today I ordered a pizza [paid 14$ for it] and ate two pieces of it. I got in the shower and when I got out it was all gone. Lauren had three of her guy friends over, so I walked out into the living room and I was like "So who's going to help me pay for that pizza." Lauren was clearly embarassed at my question and whispered at me like "I will.. just shutup." she didnt say that, but that was her tone.

another example. the other night I was downstairs and Lauren was getting ready to go out. She yells downstairs "Can I wear your hollister sweatshirt?" me: "NO!" [I am very overprotective of my hollister gear, and she had wearing my clothes without asking for the past few days, normally if she asks I will say yes, but I was running out of clean clothes.] so later I go upstairs and what's missing? my hollister sweatshirt. Its like she's a little kid who doesnt have boundaries. only she's 21.

*NEW RECENTLY ADDED EXAMPLE: Lauren stole my cell phone in the middle of the night and took it out with her making A TON of calls. My parents thought I "let her borrow it" so now I guess our bill is WAY high and it is all on my phone!! Now I have HER friends calling my phone and leaving tons of voicemails.

but the really frustrating thing is that there's no way to punish her. I can yell at her all I want, but she doesnt really care. what am I supposed to do? punch her in the face so she learns her lesson? no. I dont know. I have lost a lot of stuff that I am not going to get back. She lost my North Face jacket that I LOVED that my dad bought for me last year. She gave my down vest that I bought for 50$ to one of her friends that lives in Tacoma and now she claims she "cant get it back". and one of her friends currently has my hollister sweatshirt. Honestly, who comes to someones house and takes their sisters' clothes? I just want to cuss at them all very loud. I hate people who just come in and mooch off me, like the guys today with the pizza. I am so sick and tired of getting taken advantage of, and I cant do anything about it!

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

I wasnt going to go to YOUth church tonight, but I did. I was going to stay home and work on my school work because I really need to, but for some reason whenever I log into my classes a window pops up that says there is an error and closes all my windows. dangit. So I can't do anymore school tonight I guess, which puts me more behind!

I really need to start going to bed earilier. I have been up too late talking on the phone with certain people and sleeping in until noon, I hate it. So tonight I am just going to go to bed early!

Anyways, YOUth church was good, Im glad I went. I only caught the last piece of Justins talk, but the part I did was really clear and spoke directly into my life. I always love it when church does that dont you? And Justin did a very good job delivering the message, I wonder if it's any different for him than talking to the 67's. Worship was awesome too, I love Snow Patrol! And I've always thought those lyrics were so poetic, awesome.

I am almost done with drivers ed. This weekend I have a drive, and then I have to go in on Monday and probably Tuesday to take my final and then I'll probably do two more drives NEXT weekend and then I should be done! I think I will be getting my lisence in July. Yah, July.

I'm tired.

the movies with Josh never happened on friday. his mom wouldnt let him go because she "has a bad feeling about me". I've never met her, never talked to her, only seen her once. thanks a lot! I didnt think I gave off such a negative appearance, haha. I had another "date" that also went wrong today. my meeting with John butler, he never showed up. man I love it when that happens! especially when you cant drive. So I walked to wal mart and spent a lot of money on hair products and a hair dryer [appearently I dont like my hair]. I really messed up by missing a lot of drivers ed, so when I went today I spent the whole two hours frantically trying to finished packets of worksheets that I missed. I also messed up by missing a lot of school so after I got home I spent like two hours making up assignments. now I am taking a break to talk to Molly, I like her =)

I am SO excited to not have ANYTHING to do tomorrow! Except for drivers ed of course, but other than that I am going to spend like 24 hours making up school work.

I dont really understand why people are questioning me so much on why I am leaving the vision team. to me it is simple: I dont want to be apart of the team because I dont agree with the churches general philosophy or direction they are trying to go in. I know I am "a leader" and that I made a commitment, but why would I want to give input to people who dont listen? or decide things that I dont care about, because really I dont think the church cares about me. and I dont want that to sound selfish like "if the church doesnt do everything my way I dont want to be a part of that!" but the administration is messed up, and a.]they cant admit that they're messed up and b.]they dont really listen to the body that they're leading. and YAH that includes the YOUth.

anyways. I dont want to talk about THAT anymore. woo

just a side note: I hate it when you are talking with someone online and they say something out of the blue like "Man yesterday was such a great day..." which forces you to ask a "pretend to care" question like "Oh, why?" Just a side note. very annoying.

today was good. well actually, this morning was horrible. I just felt like crap kind of... don't especially know why, just sort of overwhelemed with life I guess. But now, I feel better. After I met with Kristi and got to work God really lifted my burdens, which was very much appreciated. also today my stomach didnt try and murder me. I mean it hurts right now, but I like ate some stuff and felt ok. yay! I think I might go see a movie with Josh tomorrow, Im pretty excited, I like hanging out with that guy, I have been looking forward to it.

ok this was a short blog. I guess I am just trying to kill time. meh