Everything:infravermelho

November, what a cold, changing month. November is all about switching gears. From fall to ice cold winter. This November feels just like last November. This month has been about holding on and letting go. People, insecurities, habits, lifestyles. It's been hard. I don't know what to say.

There are 161 people in the United States with the name Sara Hansen.

There are 343,464 people in the U.S. with the first name Sara.

Statistically the 168th most popular first name. (tied with 2 other first names)

More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Sara are female.

It just sort of hit me now. Like, "HEY!! YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW!!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!!" But I guess when I was "waiting" for it and "wanting" it I was really young. I saw my sister in high school and wanted what she had. She was the type of person who was ALWAYS with her friends. They were all so popular. Her top 20 friends were probably the top 20 best jocks in the school. It all looked like so much fun. And I guess that's where I'm at right now, but now that I have it, I don't want it at all. To be honest with you I really miss Jr. High. I'll admit I hated it while I was there, but I miss it. It was simple, and easy, and things werent complicated and you knew everyone. I could walk into any teachers room and be comfortable. Sure there was a small group doing pretty "bad" things, but it was never looked upon as normal. But now... no one cares if you have sex. There's not all this *gasp* and gossip about it. Partying is looked up to, and smoking pot isnt bad for your future anymore. I have heard all this stuff a million times before, but I never believed that it could be true until I was actually sumburged in it. It's strange...

At the end of this semester I am transfering into a school called Insight High School. It is a full-time online high school that I do over a laptop that they send me. I wont have any schedule, I am excited. I don't think that high school is one of those things that you need to experience. I think it's one of those things that everyone is subjected to and you get really emotionally scarred. I think the sooner I can get out the better.

Labels: high school

God and my deal: (him talking)

"1. I am first. You put nothing before me. You need to spend more time with me everyday. period.

2. YOU need to get rid of things that cause impure thoughts in your mind. YOU need to watch out for Satan's seeds of evil, and kick them out.

3. There is no more MESSING around, you need to get this right. You are on a narrow path."

(this was a loooooooong shower)

God, music, Molly, the internet, my journal, fastfood [and HATE it all at the same time], tv, singing, Matt, taking pictures, reading, going to shows, scrapbooking, sleeping in, staying up SUPER late, showering, shopping, health food [I know im contradictory], babies, shouting for no reason, being in charge, theatre, speech class, Nikki, thinking about my future, Seattle, nature, peircings, my YOUth Pastors, comedy, tatoos, funny and sarcastic adults, most of my family, having memories and inside jokes with people, having a purpose, The Message Remix, calm things, sleep, candles, lists, planning things, pottery, Sudan, people that still have dignity and confidence, thunder storms at night, ice water, the news, hugging people who give good hugs, love.

what do I want for Christmas?

-the iPOD product [RED]

What I really want to do for Christmas is buy "presents" for people in different countries who dont have anything, like through World Vision or something. But unfortunatley I have a job now and am probably expected to buy gifts for my family/close friends. But maybe I will say screw them and send them cards. Hmm...

life seems to just be flying by SO fast! I can't believe it's already November. I can't believe November's already over! I think this is a blessing. I am impatient. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, and then December when everyone comes home for Christmas! I LOVE Christmas, can't wait. Then I am excited for January and the SNOW retreat, and possibly the Honduras mission trip after that, but I'm still undecided. Really, this year has flown by. But if I look back to last November, a lot of stuff is in the same place.

I can't seem to clear my mind these days. Like I have these vague goals that I want to get accomplished, but I can't seem to get past the fog and remember why. Is that strange? Or I can't focus on them completley and get them all the way accomplished. Matt is a BIG help with that though. He always tells me to do the stuff I have passion for, and he ALWAYS does, and it inspires me to. I hate it when he is in Canada and I can't talk to him a lot :(

Levi and Jody are having a boy. They are 47659 times excited as they were before.

I am sick and am currently missing my second day of school. I am supposed to auditon for night of musical theatre afterschool, but I can hardly talk.... ahhh...

My room is officially painted. it looks Super cool now that everything is back in it, not as intense.

ok well I am going to try and do something else... probably sleep...

Sometimes the world tells us not to be so vulnerable. "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, don't get so attached, less emotions, don't open up your heart to people, protect yourself." Good advice. Until you become a wall. A wall that wont come down to feel. Things in life are hard, and painful, and a lot of the time you lose more than you win, but that makes the wins more precious. A lot of the time we have to heal things that have been broken, and that can take a long time- but at least we know that we CAN still feel. All pain can be healed, all brokenness can be restored. Just open up yourself, let yourself experience love, and life, and pain, and sufferning, and really really hard times. Because Jesus is in all of them. And I know that some of the times I've clung to him the most, are the times that I've felt the least. Let people feel you. Let things touch your heart; the good and the bad. open your eyes.

April 23, 2006

"Don't know how I got this way.
Broken and bleading no reason to stay
Don't know how I got to this place.
Lord God come show me your face-
I need it to live."

history shows us that no leader who imposed a revolutionary idea that changed the world ever did so easily. he was always fought. there was always a group of not a majority of people fighting against him. I think it's strange that the huge things that have changed our world have happened in interesting ways. For example Martin Luther King Jr. [black rights], Gandhi [Indian government], Abe Lincoln [end slavery], the women who protested for their rights, all of these people were extremly disagreed with for the most part. But all of their causes are huge differences in our world now, without them, without the revolution they created we would all be so different. was it because satan knew that these things should be changed so he tried to work his evil in as much as he could?

Just some interesting thoughts I had today.

Oh Saturday was such a fun day...

I woke up at 5:27 [yah, WHAT?!] because I had to be at work at 6:30 to open. My shift included a lot of sitting by the fire and trying to stay awake and NOT stare at the clock constantly. And then finally it was 12:30! Matt showed up at my house at 12:45ish, and we hung out for a while with Levi and Makenna. Then ended up playing guitar [of course]. We hung out for about an hour, listening to music and I made some food. After that we went to Wal Mart to buy stuff for our Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. He did a boy and I did a girl. I must say those children are going to the cool kids on the block ;] We talked with my mom for a good long time, it was a really great conversation. I told Allison we would all hang out, so I give her a call and we all agree to meet at Urraco at 6. Allison shows up and Matt randomly starts talking to Tanner Schmidt, telling him how we saw him in Wal Mart earlier. They hit it off and we invite Tanner to go with us to Taqueira. We get there and order food and get uncomfortably watched because we are white, haha. We go back to Urraco and Tanner and Matt play guitar and sing songs. I love how guys bond. Allison tries to play scrabble by herself and I help Paul close a bit. Matt and I head on home around 7:30 and watched some tv with my parents. I got bored and he hates tv so we go downstairs and play Speed by the fire. I'm whooping his butt until he sees "the biggest spider he's ever seen" and freaks out, haha. Appearently he didnt believe me when I told him that we have freakishly huge insects in our house. We keep playing and see two more by the time he leaves at 10. I wouldnt let him kill them, and he was too chicken to catch them, so they are still alive thanks to me. What a fun Saturday!

Tomorrow hopefully I am going to see Say Anything and Me Without You at El Corazon. but no final word from my dad yet....

1.] music [the actualy MUSIC, lyrics, watching people play/sing]
2.] photography
3.] people

Tonight there was a dinner at my church to update the community [my church] on Charity Lanman, who is a missionary in Sudan. The night included a satelite phone call from Charity, where people could ask her questions, and we all prayed for her. It was very encouraging. I am not one to take a strong liking to children, but I spent most of my time with Viola, because dang I love that girl. Deb [Charity's mom] had brought some stuff she bought when she was in Kenya and set it up on a table so everyone could look at it. I saw the most beautiful bowl I had ever seen, with a small matching spoon in it. I told Deb I thought it was pretty and she gave it to me, she also said that Charity wanted me to come over to the house and pick out some things that I liked of hers from Sudan, because they have TONS of stuff I guess. I cherish that bowl. A lot. Deb was also telling me how she was going to "work on" my mom and try to get her to let me go to Sudan. Deb asked Charity if I was too young to come over, and Charity said yes, but that if I wanted to come she would get me in- she would find a way. I want to go- I told Deb to tell Charity to find a way! This excites me. This thrills me to the very core, I am pumped!