Everything:infravermelho

yah I'm pretty sure I am going to be using this blog almost as an online journal now that I have wireless and can blog from my room *sigh* so much more comfortable. So dont worry about reading all this junk, it's just reflection, haha. Today was a pretty good day... this whole week has been pretty good. Finals havent been as bad as I expected them to be, but then again I havent taken my math final yet =\ But all my other finals have been good. I was really proud of my theatre scene that CJ and I did today, everyone said it was wonderful and we got a 97/100. I love how good we work as a team. We are both naturally talented at acting and improving and we just have that ability to memorize our lines, not plan out a single motion or emotion for the scene and do great on our feet. It was a lot of fun. I also gave my final speech today in Speech class. It was supposed to be a reflection of our life, using a lesson or story or both that we have experienced. I talked about his past summer doing Rock For Sudan while not having a lot of support. I talked about how a lot of stuff started to change around me, but I couldnt wait around for other people to get on with my life because a lot of those people will never come around. I was pretty proud of that speech too. My english final on "Night" wasnt terrible considering I didnt read the book, haha.

I have been going through orientation and tutorials for my online classes today, and to be honest with you it's kind of complicated. But hopefully it will work better tomorrow. Nevertheless I am still getting more excited.

Did I mention that I am going to learn how to play the bass? yah, I am. Nikki is letting me use her bass and amp since she is at college and it is just sitting at her house, I am so stoked! Getting a bass has been the one thing holding me back, because I didnt want to just go out and buy one... Like I did with the drums...

I am so excited for Malibu coming up! I can't believe that it was like 9 months ago that I was up there, when I think about it I can remember it so well it almost feels like yesterday! Man I love that place.

Night of Musical Theatre is this week. thurs. fri. and sat. allison and I are going Friday, I know it is going to rock. I am so excited for all my best friends... all my best friends are in it!

ok.

I am writing this blog from my bedroom on my laptop. aka my classroom. I bought a wireless router today, and actually figured out how to hook it all up myself! it wasnt hard at all. I am pretty excited to start my classes on Thursday, Im sure I'll be even more excietd once I am done with finals. I got the highest grade in my class on my physics test, and my teacher grades on a curve so the highest score is the new 100%, so therefore I got 100%, woo! And my spanish teacher said I did "Excellente" on my oral exam today.

I start drivers ed soon. February is going to be a month of changes. I am going to be working a bit more, doing new school, and doing drivers ed. Im kind of looking forward to February. Matt and I have been going through some changes lately, and are still in the process, good changes...

"I compared my beginings to others' endings, and couldnt help noticing how painfully different they were." -Bernard Shaw

I don't want to be bitter and/or angry, but sometimes I am. Most of the time I'm not. But mostly I am always bitter and/or angry towards a specific person. If that makes sense. I'd like for things to pass on and for me to be one of those people who just say, "It's not really a big deal, mah." But... I'm just not. I get mad about things... and I get frustrated over and over again. Something strange though is that when I talk to Matt, and he tells me things like, "Really, it's not that big of a deal." or "You really need to try and listen to your parents." My attitude actually changes. For some reason when he says it, it actually means something to me, whereas, if you say it to me I might freak out on you. Don't ask.

sometimes im tempted to ditch my life that i've worked so hard to create. sometimes i want to dye my hair blonde and tan my skin away, blow all of my earned money on hollister clothes and oversized purses. sometimes i feel like sitting with "the" girls at lunch, the girls i always use to be friends with. sometimes i want to disregard all my morals and do things i havent done for a long time. sometimes i feel like going to all the parties...

but then I remember what im all about. how that life is a vast nothing that gives you exactly that in the end. and my life isnt even about what I get, it's about what I do, and how i live for God. when I feel like going back to the old life, I hardly even thinking about it for a second, seeing how all those girls are really so lost, holding on to what? they're coach purses? no thanks.

"if you can't be honest about what you're doing than you shouldnt be doing it."

seems like a pretty basic "brick-in-your-face" statement, right? or is it? do you think God has special circumstances for lying? or for not revealing the truth? do you think God creates plans for your life that he does not intend others to understand or for you to share with them?

because there are plenty of things in my life that I know are God's intentions for me that I dont feel like sharing with other people because they just wont agree/understand. and I think that's ok.

so sometimes I guess I disagree with that quote.

panick stricken
enough's been said.
sunlight shines-
my restless seeking perfection leaves me.
my heart talks.
&calmness overwhelmes.
record spins
head's on straight.
this balance is tiliting in
four directions.
this balance
is tilting in four directions.

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and
came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of
Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69
percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In
essence, 2/3s of the citizenry just aren't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I starting
thinking, ''what we are so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24
hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air
conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4
percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk
into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur
has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific
Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers
as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe
motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I
guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the
world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car,
emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether
you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a
helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans
who own a home, you may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case
of having a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and
use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your
family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many
flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a
gun and a bulletproof vest will come to defend you and your family against
attack or loss. This, all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent
of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and
political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful,
spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S.
yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The
most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we
don't have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good
Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us
into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31
percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in
the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy
out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name
in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from
terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is
out there defending you and me?

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and
Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your
freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to
go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general''
discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a
''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds
of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media.
If it bleeds, it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch
a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade
at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit
corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they are going to allow a
murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special about how he
didn't kill his wife but if he did ... insane!

Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday
by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for
the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a
country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C.
Forbes in 1953:

''What have Americans to be thankful for? More than
any other people on the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom,
political freedom, and social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly
safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, 'the most wonderful
work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.' Yes,
we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray
that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.''

I suggest we sit back and count our blessings for
all we have. If we don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have
to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and
abundance. If we are not careful this generation will be known as the
''greediest and most ungrateful generation.'' A far cry from the proud
Americans of the ''greatest generation'' who left us an untarnished legacy.

these are exerpts from "the gutter" by craig gross. [eww gross!] you really just have to read it.

[talking about when he went to a park filled with homeless people with his youth group]

"Growing up, I was protected from this enviornment; I didnt even know this other world existed. But now as a youth pastor, I not only wanted to experience it, but I also wanted others to see it too. I didnt want the kids in my group to be as sheltered as I was."

"When I accepted Christ as my savior, I was lifted out of the gutter, but I was not made better than those who remained."

[talking about going to a Christian middle school and high school]

"See, even though Christians surrounded me, it had no effect on me because none of them reached into my gutter and showed me an active, Christlike love.They were all words and no action. They modeled the clean, vague, remote Jesus of my youth, not the Jesus I dsicovered later on."

[talking about going to a Christian college]

"It was still a safe, world-free enviornment, and it simultaneously outraged me and broke my heart. There was so much potential there, but it all stayed bottled up on campus and rarely spilled out into the world."

[talking about him and his partner going to big porn convetions and helping people learn Christ's love and forgiveness.]

"It's simple- we're honest about our profession, about our faith, and about our humanness. The gutter-and not just the porn industry, but the gutter at large, the real world- has embraed us, and they'll embrace the Christian message too. They just dont tend to embrace "the Church," because they're looking for people who are willing to be real with them, not preach to them. Not that everyone gives us big high-fives everytime they see us, but on the whole, we've encountreed astonishingly little resistance from the industry because deep down, they're all just sinners, desperatley looking for someone to love them. And that's what we do."

"Too many Christians get scared of the world, but when you look at Jesus and the things He did, the way he brought light into darkness, you can plainly see that we have nothing to be scared of."

school was cancelled today. I started and finished "the perks of being a wallflower" yesterday. I am a super reader! I cut my hair, it is extremley short- I love it! I am tired of my friends, they bug me. but allie lovely and I realized we have a lot in common, which is cool, cause i've never really gotten to know her. Lauren has her drug treatment assesment today, oh my goodness I can't wait for her to be gone! she makes Makenna all upset.

well that's all for today :)

Listen for a moment to the beautiful and dignified voices of Africa's mothers. Despite their burdens of poverty and hunger, they will tell you not of their endless toil but of their hopes for their children. But softly, ever so softly, they will also recount the children they have lost, claimed by a sudden fever, children who died in their arms as they were carried in a desperate half-day's journey by foot from the village to the nearest clinic.

This is the ineffable sadness of malaria. Another African child has died of malaria since you started reading this article. Perhaps 2 million children in all will succumb this year.

The long-term consequences are insidious as well as tragic and even relate to the ability of the U.S. to prevail against the jihadists. Not only does malaria sap worker productivity and scare away business investment, but it also, paradoxically, increases the rate of population growth. Instead of having two or three children, couples in a malarial region often choose to have six or seven--unsure how many will survive.

Malaria also helps create a poverty trap with special ferocity in Africa. By a quirk of ecological fate, Africa has the world's heaviest toll of this disease, the result of its tropical climate, its specific types of mosquitoes and its limitless mosquito-breeding sites. Children are struck down in unmatched numbers. And Africa's disease toll from malaria may be even higher than previously recognized. Recent research has found that malaria infection increases the likelihood that an HIV-infected individual will transmit the AIDS virus to others. Many millions are also infected simultaneously with malaria and worm infections, multiplying the disease burden.

Osama bin Laden has called for jihad in Africa, trying to capitalize on its extreme poverty. Here's how we can respond. While malaria has shaped Africa's poverty trap, it is a trap that can finally be unlocked. Spectacular technological advances, some stunningly simple, offer practical and low-cost solutions. The most obvious one is insecticide-treated bed nets, now cleverly engineered to last up to five years. The cost to manufacture, ship and distribute each net is $10. A new generation of medicines based on artemisinin, an extract from a traditional Chinese herbal remedy, is remarkably effective in treating cases of the disease, at a cost of about a dollar per treatment.

Yet these solutions still aren't reaching the vast proportion of Africans in need. Hard as it is for us to imagine, Africa's households simply can't afford even $10 for a net, or a dollar for medicines when a child falls sick. Nor can African governments carry these costs on meager budgets or take extra vital steps to train local health workers and ensure that every village has reliable access to effective medicines.

Here is where you and I come in. Considering the costs of the nets, medicines and other components of malaria control, a comprehensive program would cost about $4.50 per African at risk, or about $3 billion a year for the whole continent. This is an amount that is too large for Africa but truly tiny for the rich world.

Let me put the $3 billion in perspective: there are a billion of us in the high-income world--that amounts to $3 a person, or one Starbucks coffee a year. It's around 12.5% of the estimated $24 billion in Wall Street's Christmas bonuses.

We should bring forth armies of Red Cross volunteers to distribute bed nets and to offer village-based training for tens of thousands of villages across Africa. In a brilliant demonstration of people power and modern logistics, Red Cross volunteers distributed nets to more than half the households of Togo in 2004 and Niger in 2005 in a matter of a few days in each country. That successful delivery model should be replicated across Africa, by 2010 if not earlier, but this will depend on mobilizing the needed resources.

New citizens' movements, including Malaria No More malarianomore.org and Nothing but Nets nothingbutnets.net) have been established to achieve the needed breakthrough. We can each contribute $10 for a bed net. We can each learn more about the disease and become antimalaria leaders in our communities, schools, churches and businesses. We can urge our governments to work with the private sector and citizens' groups to win the fight against malaria during this decade. President Bush recently took a good step in scaling up the U.S. government's malaria-control efforts, but much more needs to be done to ensure that aid reaches the hundreds of millions of Africans at risk.

Together we can choose peace over jihad and life over violence. Through our common resolve, we can prove the power we each have to save a life.


-Time magazine

Lately everyone that tries to tell me something that I dont agree with, or maybe that I think is stupid I just totally blow off. In my head Im like, "Oh yah right." But then Im like, why dont you think about what they said? they could be right. I think it's been a long time since I've been corrected or told something that I was doing was wrong. Well, besides the whole Matt thing. It's more like stuff that I say or my behavior, I havent had someone correct it in a long time. And I think the last time I was, I had a very bad attitude about it, and that just carried over. I have learned how to listen to people and accept that I might be wrong. A very great example of something small that I need to learn in order to grow a huge amount.

I slept way too much today, because I felt sick. But now Im thinking I might have felt sick because I slept way too much. I dont know... I hurt my neck again, I have a feeling this is going to be a longer thing than I though, fixing my neck.

Veritas reunion ROCKED! We are all so close that when everyone showed up it was like we had never left last July. We just picked up where we had left off, like we are all best friends, it's amazing. We played a lot of twister and catch phrase and cut throat mafia! yah! I was the first person killed both games, what the heck. Caitlin is leaving in 8 days, man I am so excited for her! [she is going to Uganda]. Brian and Melanie, the missions leaders, announced the Veritas missions trip to Gauna, Africa. It will be two weeks starting directily after Veritas. I dont know if God wants me to go, I told him if he did I am going to need a pretty big $ sign, because it's about $3300. I looked in the paper yesterday and saw a waitressing job at Kobe Teryaki for 3 hours a day. When I say it out loud it sounds so lame. But I did the math, and if I did that in addition to my job at Urraco it would put me easily at $4000 by July. Who knows, my mom says she wants to "pray about it" which means that she will forget about it completley.

that's all for now.

[I feel like being cheerful]

1. Veritas reunion tomorrow!!
2. Leading worship [I am suddenly inspired!]
3. The two people I know will be my best friends FOREVER!: Molly & Matt
4. Blended rasberry mochas [ahh...]
5. Having MY music on hand 24/7
6. A gym membership and free tanning along with it
7. Getting adjusted at the chiropractor
8. My best friend's birthday is tomorrow :)
9. Having income
10. Having God be in total and complete control and that makes me feel so much better and relaxed. I can focus on the things I need to, like HIM!

my best friend's birthday is tomorow!! YAY I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I havent really had too many days that I could call great lately. But today was. It was oddly relaxing, even though I had to babysit Makenna for too long and she doesnt like me and is mean and crabby [...today]. But today was really... nice and enjoyable I guess. I really needed this break is what I'm saying. It feels really good to have relaxed for a few weeks and go back feeling more energized. I worked out tonight too... we'll see how that habit develops...

Lauren is still out on the run, but she has her drug assessment tomorrow at st. peters chemical dependancy center, I hope she gets in RIGHT THEN. which she should, because she's like all high. I talked to her today, my parents werent home. I told her her daughter misses her and she started to cry and felt really bad. good job sara. she trashed my moms car though, broke her trunk and her stereo, so my parents are like super up-tight and stressed out about that. my dad is just really mad all the time, it's hard being around him.

mine and Matt's relationship is going really good. we are still sticking to what God has told us to do: seperate. but we remain in constant communication so we are not out of each other's lives, a big thing for us. he is 99% for sure moving to Canada sometime this month, but im not worried. I cant imagine him making this move with us still together, I really think it would take a toll on both of us and become a really unhealthy relationships. but now that we just e-mail I think it is going to be great. im really excited for him to start his new job as a YOUth pastor up there, and of course he is too. I really think he will make a huge impact in that area, just like he has all his life. I didnt realize how much of a difference he's made in YOUth culture in that area. anyways... God has been faithful to us. he has really blessed us for listening to him, and I know he'll continue to. and for those of you who think we havent made that many changes, well, you just don't know what you're talking about.

THE BASICS

Age you turned:
Fifteen

Did you grow?:
Yes

School/Work:
OBJH, SHS, Urraco coffee!

IM Screen name(s):
x motion x city

Best birthday gift:
My book from Molly with a whole bunch of letters in it from my friends

Best Christmas/holiday gift:
iPOD

Most important thing you learned:
Listen to God, he knows best

Did your physical appearance change?:
Yes

Did you personally change?:
That's a stupid question

Best month(s):
June, July, September, November

Worst month(s):
January, ehhh December hasnt been too fantastic, but it's not the WORST


THE PEOPLE

Best friend(s):
Molly, Nikki, Lauree, Matt

New friend(s):
Matt

Lose any friends?:
I'm not sure of

Lose any family members?:
No

Any new family members?
One on the way!


THE LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS

Have any crushes?:
Yes

How many relationships?:
One

Longest relationship:
twoish months... I guess

Shortest relationship:
Only had one

Did you have your heart broken?:
No... not really

Status at the beginning of the year:
Single

Status now:
Not single

Status you want(ed) to be:
the way I am now... whatever you would call it. I wont ever consider myself single really

Have any regrets?:
Sure.

Did you fall in love?:
Yes

Who was the first person you kissed this year?(in 06):
No one

Who was the last person you kissed this year?(in 06):
No one


THE FUN STUFF

Did you party?:
No

Did you throw any parties?:
No

Vacations:
Two weeks in Oregon was pretty fun

Best spring event:
BIG SPLASH!!!!

Best summer event:
Veritas 06

Ever sneak out?:
ehh... I dont think so

Any firsts:
I'm sure

THE FUTURE

Plans for the new year?:
Veritas 07, second Rock For Sudan, Running Start in the fall

Hopes for the new year?:
Go to Sudan, HOPEFULLY

New Years Resolution:
Have priorities, not resolutions

Goals you want to accomplish:
a balanced life, hahaha how cliche

Anything you're putting behind you?:
Yes

Age you will turn:
Sixteen

Any big changes taking place?:
Oh yes, all the time!

Going anywhere?:
Grand Canyon?