Everything:infravermelho

today I was at the church print/cutting flyers for Rock For Sudan. Justin came in and started talking to me about worship team stuff, and then said something like, "You've got a lot going on right now, maybe I should just let this stuff wait." I just kind of nodded at him and told him to tell me anyways. I havent really thought about that before, so I didnt have any response. I'm planning this concert, school is starting in 6 days, I just started my first job, I am now leading a worship band, like actually leading. And I am so excited about all those things. I havent felt overwhelemed or anything, and that is totally God, because I am doing all this for him. I know he is totally in control over everything in my life, and that helps me take it easy. What happens, happens, and it will all be over with before I know it. This job has been the biggest answer to my prayers, its just... its just awesome :D And I am also SO excited about leading worship, I know thats definitley something God wants me to do to help people see that worship isnt music. I plan on doing some creative worship things this year too, well, Justin and me that is. I'm pretty excited for school to start. Im not like, dying to be in school, but I am looking forward to it.

im okay
here in your arms
you hold me safe
when everything's wrong

and in an instant
im weak.
suddenly,
i realize i have no control,
no strength.
i am really nothing
because YOU are everything
that is inside of me.
my pace slows
my feet drag
sorrow accumulates
over our souls
hangs over our heads
weariness comes upon us

appearently the water you back wash the espresso machine with is 2000 degrees hotter than anything on the sun, and it ran all over my finger. but luckily I work in an espresso bar and there is a can of running ice water built into the counter. i stuck my hand in and continued cleaning the machine. becky says, "welcome to the land of baristas, and burnt hands." it hurts very badly.

In other news... I printed off 800 flyers today, now I just have to return to the church and pick them up, I am very excited about my beautiful 800 cardstock flyers. I also had a worship meeting with the worship band for this year, that I am leading. yes, I am leading a band. be afraid. that was really awesome because we watched the united dvd, and man those guys inspire me. i realized that i would give anything to go to a united concert.

I have to go stick my finger in some ice water before I die, I swear it is on fire.

I really enjoyed the Floodgate show tonight, ok honestly, I always really enjoy the Floodgate shows, they are just so great! Joshua Boyt started talking half way through, and asking if anyone wanted to get rid of things they were holding in on the inside, anything that might be holding them back, he invited them to kneel at the altar, I went, not going to mention the specific struggle for personal reasons, but I knelt. After a while of not much happening, I went and sat in the first row of chairs, most people were still kneeling, and the band was playing random spirit led lines. Then I looked up at the screen and read the words, "There is no one like you" about four times. I just started crying really hard, which is not really like me, I dont really like to cry hardly, and if I do, I dont like to talk about it, I find it annoying. So I was sitting there with my head down crying and I probably looked pretty pathetic. Suddenly I felt a hand on me, and then an arm around me, and someone holding my hand. I didnt know who it was because I didnt look up. But then she said, "I feel like God is telling me that he's not dissapointed in you. That he loves you and he knows your heart and your intentions, and that you please him. You dont dissapoint him." It was Erin. She proceeded to say some more things, which really were spoken right to me, from God. and I just really started crying because that meant so much to me. I really was crying because I felt like I had dissapointed God so badly, and I was just so sorry.

I had one of those nights again, one of those nights where I feel everyone's hurt. I wrote about it more in my myspace blog, but its just basically that I hurt for broken hearted people. I mean broken hearted like hopeless. In my myspace blog I put for example, drug addicts, people who have been involved with affair, little girls who fathers are in prison, who couldnt seem to stay clean. All of those people I am directly related with, and I have seen them hurt so badly, and have been hurt by them. And I just want to love them. I just want them to rejoice in front of the Lord because he loves them. I said that if I could take all of their hurt and put it on myself, I would. But I can't, because Jesus already did that. I want to let my life, my love, reflect what he did. Jesus didnt die for nothing. If I EVER see you judge a homeless person, if you EVER talk about how weird alcoholics are, or just stereotype people in the stupidest way, I will be PISSED OFF. So remember that. I am all those people. I am the drug addict. I am the prostitute. I am the drunk driver. I am the all of them.

Light of the world
stepped out into darkness
you opened my eyes
made me see

im listening intently to what you say
open up to me
im feeling your pain
the way you handle your fear
open up to me
i have to believe in love
for anything to make the world go round
but so do you
if all i need is you
i need you to need me too
make me vulnerable
and dont make me regret it.

if I dont say this now
what will happen?

you are so beautiful, to me
you're everything i hoped for,
you're everything i need,
you are so beautiful to me.

You know what happens when you read the bible? You learn things!! Yah duh. But why did I not know about these passages in Romans?!

Romans 14 v. 1
welcome with open arms fellow believers who dont see thinks the way you do. and dont jump all over them every time they do or say something you dont agree with-even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

skip to verse 10-12
so where does that leave you when you critcize a brother? and where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? i'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly-or worse. eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. your critical and condescending ways arent going to improve your position there one bit.

"as I live and breathe," God says,
"every knee will bow before me,
every tongue will tell the honest truth,
that I and only I am God."

THANK YOU SCRIPTURE!!! I think that says enough.



Now to Romans 15 v. 1-2
Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. strength is for service, not status. each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "how can I help?"


I guess I dont have a real point with these passages. Just that its so honest, and speaks so much truth into my life, and Im glad I have a scripture to base my feelings on. And I have something to refer to. I suppose it also serves as a calling, do it. For some reason I didnt see it before...

I suppose I have a few... but not as many as the usual new season brings along... here goes...

<3 pass all classes with an A or B
<3 participate in at least two theatre productions
<3 attend every home football game
<3 have a date for homecoming, haha
<3 go on a mission trip
<3 lead [good] worship at YOUth Church
<3 make lots of new friends :D
<3 be accepting of everyone I meet
<3 vounteer in the community
<3 join at least one club outside of school [drama, asb, spanish?]
<3 don't gossip

that's all for now... im sure I'll think of some more as time goes on...

I have been training at Urraco since Thursday. Thursday and Friday I learned how to do the till, then today and yesterday I have been making drinks. I LOVE it. The first couple days I was nervous about making drinks, and thinking I was constantly going to screw up and take a long time to learn things. But I am getting better after just two days, and I really enjoy it. I have never had a job before, but starting this job has made me realize a few things. 1.] I have not been physically tired in a long time, haha. 2.] I realize when why people come home from work and just want to read [my parents] I just want to read, lol. 3.] Working is very satisfying, I enjoy it. 4.] I will from now on, always smell like coffee, haha. All in all I am having a great time, and learning a bunch too.

I just realized that school starts in like two weeks... along with Rock For Sudan, it's getting close! I still have some stuff to do, but I am calm, because I have got it under control [despite what some people think] and I am excited to see what God brings of it. I am also really excited for school/YOUth church to start back up. YOUth church is going to ROCK this year, and I can't wait! School will also rock, being at the High School will be a relief, as long as a great experience. It's strange but a lot of Christians dont experience high school [a lot of Christians that I know at least...] so sometimes it is hard to find someone older to relate too; what would a homeschooled high schooler know about the pot smokers that sit by you in math? haha, oh man, I cant wait. lol.

are you lonely boy?
sitting by yourself looking at the street?
lonliness is that feeling that creeps
but you can't miss it
like headlights around a corner in the dark
what are you searching for boy?
someone to talk to?
or just to hold your hand?
if only you knew
that im lonely too
that i'd talk to you
or hold your hand for you
boy if you only knew

Today has been a very... interesting day. I stayed at the hospital last night until 3:30 in the morning waiting for Judah to be born. HOORAY! He is so cute! :) Then this morniing I woke up and went to get my food handlers lisense, man that was fun. I had been feeling kind of weird all day, but didnt really know why. Then after I got home I started feeling really sick. My body aches, and when I touch my skin it hurts. I have a headache and am dizzy and nausues. So I was laying in bed but then got up to watch Seinfield. I got on the computer and Becky wrote me a message and told me I had been hired at Urraco!!!!!! YES! I am so happy, unfortunatley I am SICK, but whenever I get better she said to come down and start my training. Yay! Hopefully that will be like... tomorrow. Jordan finished the flyer so I will probably go down to the church and print those tomorrow if I'm feeling better. Umm... yah that's about it.

The second picture has been famously reffered to as "The Falling Man"
This man didnt fall though, he jumped.
I hate how the only pictures you ever see from September 11 are of a building with smoke pouring out of it. Possibly the most horrifying thing I have ever seen was watching the video of the second plane hitting the north tower. which can be found here.

*collect donations from businesses [tomorrow]

*print flyers [hopefully tomorrow... depending on if Jordan edits it or not]

*set up with time slots with Justin

*set up sound check schedule with Brad H. and Justin

*take pictures of the Fox's house

*figure out the dang t-shirts!!

*send packet to bands with the following:
-sound check schedule
-what time everything goes down
-flyers & additional promo materials
-pictures of the Fox's house
-directions

*ask Jordan to make more promo material

*ask wal mart for beverage donations

*buy food and espresso supplies to sell

*get bands guests lists

concert stuff will finally be taking off...

finally.

it's a nervous and excited feeling. it is a feeling that my life has true meaning. that i have fulfilled something bigger than my own benefit. that this is the begining in a long road of making a difference.

finally i am coming into my purpose.

this is where i feel good. where i feel i could spend the rest of my life. serving others. the rest of my life.

"Christianity is not a passive relgion. It is an invasion of the Kingdom."
-Stasi Eldridge [Captivating]

Luke and I are talking right now. He wrote me a message earlier that said he's really sorry he hasnt been able to return my calls the last few days. Talking on the phone to me is weird/awkward now he says. Because we can't really be together. And he wants me to be able to be free to "be with" other guys who I actually get to see. I told him I didnt date. I agree with him that we need to start to cool it a little because we really CANT have a relationship. But I think that is pretty much the worst way to go about it. Oh well. We are having a pretty good talk now. About how it can be painful to get into a relationship with someone when your this age, and not get married to them. blah blah blah there is too much to really explain. it's all good.


this should be a whole different blog...

Today Becky was asking me some questions about working at Urraco. Like would I ever have trouble getting to work, or what kind of hours I would want to work, stuff like that. IM SO EXCITED!! I hope I get hired, that would be awesome. I am going to get my food handlers permit tomorrow. How exciting! lol.

Justin, Cindy, and I had our interview with The Journal today. It went a lot differnt than I thought it would... which is good [see predicted interview below]

I think the entire United States should take a complete year off from their lives, and go to Africa and teach them how to take care of themselves. That idea has many roadblocks. But seriously, that's what it would take... I'm losing hope.

I desire to serve God so badly! I know I want to be a missionary. But before I can do that I need to serve in other ways. Maybe at the homeless shelter, kitten rescue, Treasures, Saints Pantry, etc.

I am currently reading "Captivating", and I really like it! It talks about how women are CREATED with the vulnerability [etc] that we have. And that men are created to want to pursue/protect something. I always that it [wanting that relationship/intamcy so bad] was a FLAW that I had developed. But really it was how I was made. Really I just need to stop trying to find it so hard, and stop trying to improve myself, and just focus on God. Because God says in the Bible [I dont remember where...] that he will take those things away from us so that we get tired of chasing them and come to Him and rest. [I am SO there]. It also says that Satan TARGETS women because they posess God's beauty [Satan was the beauty of God until he became prideful, so now he's jealous of our beauty] and we GIVE LIFE- which Satan DEFINITLEY doesnt want. I like this book.

In other news...

I have an interview with the Lanman's tomorrow evening... I'm a little unsure as what I'm supposed to talk about during this time. And I have an interview with The Journal coming up soon that I am also nervous about, just because I feel like I will mess up and it will go something like this:

Dude: "So what do you think of *insert random hard question here*?

Me: "Uhh.. "

Dude writes down "Uhh.."

Justin: "SARA!!! COME ON!! I TOLD YOU TO BE ON TOP OF YOUR STUFF!!!"

... back to reality. I guess that is why I'm kind of nervous, lol. My mind keeps replaying that. I'm also nervous because for some reason no more bands have gotten back to me... stupid bands!! sorry.. I just really want to print the flyers.. oh well.

Me: Do you think that I could maybe go to Sudan next summer?

My dad: No, there are some places that I think are really dangerous, and that is one of them.

Me: What if the war was over by then?

My dad: I think it's something we have to talk about for a long time

me in my head: YESS!!

I really, really, want to go to Sudan next summer. Maybe stay for like a month or something and work with Charity.. Definitley something to think about.. :)

I think it's a bad idea to date before you're married. But how do you get married if you never date? it's stupid. its just a bad system all in all.

Happy? Oh yah

Favorite band of the moment? The Fray, ahh I love them!

Favorite song of the moment? O Love That Will Not Let Me Go [John Ross version ;]

Worries? No worries :]

Excited about anything? My concert it's actually going to work! lol. And about Luke, he makes me excited.

Love life? Lucas :]

Anticipating? School starting, I'm pretty excited about it, and my concert of course.

Thing that made you smile today? Hearing this amazing girl sing on tv today, I love people with good voices, haha

Something cool that happen today? I ran into Bryce and Jacob Oldhe at McDonalds, pretty cool

Plans this week? Im going to a picnic for my dads work in a little bit, then going to see my grandpa and grandma. Tomorrow Kristi and I are going to ask for donations from business, and Molly and I are probably going shopping, YES!!

Did you change this week? Maybe... I'm lazier than I was last week, I havent been working out as much, but I've been babysitting Makenna. I'll get back on it...

See any movies this week? Failure to Launch, it's now my new favorite movie. and Celeste in the City, man I love that movie!!

Current obsession[s]? Cooking, The Fray, solitare, Seventeen magazine