In my head
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:27 PM
A Million Little Pieces My Friend Leonard
Both of these books are written by the same author.
Ever since I finished these books I knew I loved them. Something about them.
In this blog I plan to eleborate why.
It came to me today while I was reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller.
I was sitting on my deck trying to get into the book. But I just couldnt.
And I thought to myself, I cant get into this book, because this guy is normal.
He writes with no voice, no passion or heart. He just writes, because he's a writer.
I find writers to be the worst writers.
James Frey.
I suppose you could consider him an author.
He has wrote two books.
But they werent fiction books, they werent self help books. They were his life.
They dont say anything in them, except for the story of his life.
line
after
line
just
like this.
The first book, A Million Little Pieces, is about James. He wakes up on a plane, with a hole in his cheek and mouth, and his front four teeth missing. He knows two things about himself. He is an alcoholic, and he is a drug addict. His parents check him into a drug treatment center, and James stays. The story is about him [a not very happy him] going through a couple months of treatment. While he's there he smokes and he cusses and he meets a girl. Thats about all he does is smoke and cuss and meet Lily. At drug treatment you have to go through the 12 steps of AA. The 12 steps are supposed to help keep you sober, and are supposedly the only thing that has ever "worked" after treatment. James does not believe in God, he thinks the steps are stupid, he goes through a couple months of treatment without doing them. His plan to stay sober is "choosing not to." To any drug addict this sounds crazy, it sounded crazy to me. The first thing James does when he gets out of treatment is he goes to a bar, orders a full bottle of liqour, and smells it. He pays for it, and leaves.
The second book James is in jail for a breif portion of the book, to compensate for previous offenses. He goes to Chicago to see Lily, they fell in love, and have planned a life together. He gets there and she is already dead, she killed herself. James starts to make a life for himself in Chicago with the help of his friend Leonard who is head of anything with money in America. [seriously, he is mob boss, but you would never know it other than the money] he met Leonard in treatment, and Leonard calls him his son. It goes through a couple years of James doing various things, working, falling in love a couple times, moving to L.A., trying to make a carreer. Eventually Leonard dies of AIDs.
These books have been very important to me because they are so real. there is nothing easy, or exciting, or encouraging about recovering from addiction. It is hard, and it sucks, and you want to die. James makes this clear, and its something I would really like the general human race to understand. I enjoyed the second book because it is about him succeeding without the steps. He goes out to bars every night with his friends, has alcohol in his fridge, but simply chooses no.
James is not a normal person. Not to the average human.
He is rude and he has no manners, and he is poor. But he is normal to me.
What I love about drug addicts is nothing is not good enough.
No one is judged.
No one is looked at as "poor, tweeker, freak, grungy" they are just people.
They are nice to everyone regardless of what they look like. There is no hierarchy.
They dont see you they just hear you.
They've been there.
I enjoy reading James frey, not a writer, to Donald Miller, a writer.
Both of these books are written by the same author.
Ever since I finished these books I knew I loved them. Something about them.
In this blog I plan to eleborate why.
It came to me today while I was reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller.
I was sitting on my deck trying to get into the book. But I just couldnt.
And I thought to myself, I cant get into this book, because this guy is normal.
He writes with no voice, no passion or heart. He just writes, because he's a writer.
I find writers to be the worst writers.
James Frey.
I suppose you could consider him an author.
He has wrote two books.
But they werent fiction books, they werent self help books. They were his life.
They dont say anything in them, except for the story of his life.
line
after
line
just
like this.
The first book, A Million Little Pieces, is about James. He wakes up on a plane, with a hole in his cheek and mouth, and his front four teeth missing. He knows two things about himself. He is an alcoholic, and he is a drug addict. His parents check him into a drug treatment center, and James stays. The story is about him [a not very happy him] going through a couple months of treatment. While he's there he smokes and he cusses and he meets a girl. Thats about all he does is smoke and cuss and meet Lily. At drug treatment you have to go through the 12 steps of AA. The 12 steps are supposed to help keep you sober, and are supposedly the only thing that has ever "worked" after treatment. James does not believe in God, he thinks the steps are stupid, he goes through a couple months of treatment without doing them. His plan to stay sober is "choosing not to." To any drug addict this sounds crazy, it sounded crazy to me. The first thing James does when he gets out of treatment is he goes to a bar, orders a full bottle of liqour, and smells it. He pays for it, and leaves.
The second book James is in jail for a breif portion of the book, to compensate for previous offenses. He goes to Chicago to see Lily, they fell in love, and have planned a life together. He gets there and she is already dead, she killed herself. James starts to make a life for himself in Chicago with the help of his friend Leonard who is head of anything with money in America. [seriously, he is mob boss, but you would never know it other than the money] he met Leonard in treatment, and Leonard calls him his son. It goes through a couple years of James doing various things, working, falling in love a couple times, moving to L.A., trying to make a carreer. Eventually Leonard dies of AIDs.
These books have been very important to me because they are so real. there is nothing easy, or exciting, or encouraging about recovering from addiction. It is hard, and it sucks, and you want to die. James makes this clear, and its something I would really like the general human race to understand. I enjoyed the second book because it is about him succeeding without the steps. He goes out to bars every night with his friends, has alcohol in his fridge, but simply chooses no.
James is not a normal person. Not to the average human.
He is rude and he has no manners, and he is poor. But he is normal to me.
What I love about drug addicts is nothing is not good enough.
No one is judged.
No one is looked at as "poor, tweeker, freak, grungy" they are just people.
They are nice to everyone regardless of what they look like. There is no hierarchy.
They dont see you they just hear you.
They've been there.
I enjoy reading James frey, not a writer, to Donald Miller, a writer.
its gonna be me.
Sunday, June 25, 2006 10:04 PM
I told my mom that im not sure that the drums are for me. she was cool with it. actually happy, like she had been wanting me to say that all along. it made it a lot easier, and made me much happier. its hard; but i dont care. im not just going to keep doing something because not doing it is hard. everything is hard. im going to learn how to play the guitar. damn this drum thing sucks. anyways. i read my book today. my friend lenoard. one of the best books i have ever read. it is the sequel to a million little pieces. which is also one of the best books i have ever read. i read it all today. we drove to twanoh, i read in the car. we stayed at the beach for like... 5 hours [i have no idea. a long time] i read. i finished it. im glad. i have wanted to read that book for a long time and im glad i did really glad i did. and it made me laugh a lot and it made me cry a lot. i would really really really like to meet james frey. and also to read a lot of books was on my list of goals for this summer. pretty sure its off to a good start. haha. its going to be a great summer.
tomorrow is when i get back to business. mail out all my crap to the churches. call the bank. set up a carwash a garage sale and probably what? another freaking company. just kidding. but seriously i have a lot to do. hopefully jordan will be done with the flyers by saturday. so we can give them to people who come to the carwash garage sale.
this should be fun.
im kind of dreading leaving for most of july and not being able to work on the concert. i will think about it all while im gone. and i will worry about it. i need to get everything taken care of before i leave. i cant believe i have to miss the preview show. oh well....
tomorrow is when i get back to business. mail out all my crap to the churches. call the bank. set up a carwash a garage sale and probably what? another freaking company. just kidding. but seriously i have a lot to do. hopefully jordan will be done with the flyers by saturday. so we can give them to people who come to the carwash garage sale.
this should be fun.
im kind of dreading leaving for most of july and not being able to work on the concert. i will think about it all while im gone. and i will worry about it. i need to get everything taken care of before i leave. i cant believe i have to miss the preview show. oh well....
Goals of Summer
Thursday, June 22, 2006 1:47 PM
Usually when every summer starts, or every school year starts, I always say to myself, "I am totally going to change this summer [or school year]. Im going to better myself and completely change." But this summer... I'm not saying that, because I dont think I need to change, Im happy with myself. There are a few things I want to better myself at of course. So I just came up with this list of goals for this summer...
- Workout regularly and eat healthier
- Learn how to play the guitar
- Become really good at the drums
- Be the tannest I have ever been, lol
- Read a lot of books
- Be myself
- Have an influence on someone
Well... summer is here! Have a good one! :]
- Workout regularly and eat healthier
- Learn how to play the guitar
- Become really good at the drums
- Be the tannest I have ever been, lol
- Read a lot of books
- Be myself
- Have an influence on someone
Well... summer is here! Have a good one! :]
its just that...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 9:16 PM
I smelled that smell.
That one smell, that I can never forget.
"Boy?!" I called out in my head as I raced into the hallway.
Only to be left in a whisper.
He wasnt there.
But that smell.
I smelled it and I jumped up.
I saw him through a window.
"Boy.." My heart called out this time.
Knowing he was too far away.
I went back in the classroom and sat down.
Sometimes I smell it.
When Im just thinking of him.
When you're gone, and the wind is all that's left passing me.
I am just as ok.
That one smell, that I can never forget.
"Boy?!" I called out in my head as I raced into the hallway.
Only to be left in a whisper.
He wasnt there.
But that smell.
I smelled it and I jumped up.
I saw him through a window.
"Boy.." My heart called out this time.
Knowing he was too far away.
I went back in the classroom and sat down.
Sometimes I smell it.
When Im just thinking of him.
When you're gone, and the wind is all that's left passing me.
I am just as ok.
So send your letters of regret
5:44 PM
I am really looking forward to this summer. Wait. What am I saying?! IT IS SUMMER!! WOO HOO!! I'm not going to the last day of school tomorrow, that's ridiculous. Even though I do want to say goodbye to Joel [the hot EA that works at my school. YES!] But I'll get over it.
For a while I wasnt SUPER excited about summer being here, just because I'm not doing a lot of things like I did last summer. [dunes camp- blur- creation] But I have enough on my plate with the Rock For Sudan concert Im planning and Veritas is coming up in two weeks. Im also really excited that Justin is giving guitar&bass lessons for free in C3. And Brandon is teaching drums [Im still contemplating whether to haul my drum set down there once a week, ugh. I probably will] To Justin and Brandon: greatest idea ever.
Im also excited for this summer because toward the end of the school year, I really feel like I have grown into my own person. Which is what I've been trying to do for the longest time, but I feel like I finally have. And it feels so nice.
I plan on working out more this summer :\ Something I've just really neglected. And plus its the first summer with Makenna! Joy.. she is really getting so big. She pulls herself up on the table and other things, and is starting to make more word sounding noises, lol. I just cant wait till she can crawl so we dont have to carry her everywhere!! But she gets more precious by the day. SO I guess Im like a sophmore now...? eh. Not as climactic as I thought it would sound, lol.
Ok so back to Sam Densley, who knows how that is going? He leaves for Hawaii tonight, and said he would come over to the Jr. High to see me before he left, but he couldnt because his mom was picking up. Ahh dissapointment. But I still love him. Errh.. ehh.. yah.
I hope everyone else has a fantastic summer!!
For a while I wasnt SUPER excited about summer being here, just because I'm not doing a lot of things like I did last summer. [dunes camp- blur- creation] But I have enough on my plate with the Rock For Sudan concert Im planning and Veritas is coming up in two weeks. Im also really excited that Justin is giving guitar&bass lessons for free in C3. And Brandon is teaching drums [Im still contemplating whether to haul my drum set down there once a week, ugh. I probably will] To Justin and Brandon: greatest idea ever.
Im also excited for this summer because toward the end of the school year, I really feel like I have grown into my own person. Which is what I've been trying to do for the longest time, but I feel like I finally have. And it feels so nice.
I plan on working out more this summer :\ Something I've just really neglected. And plus its the first summer with Makenna! Joy.. she is really getting so big. She pulls herself up on the table and other things, and is starting to make more word sounding noises, lol. I just cant wait till she can crawl so we dont have to carry her everywhere!! But she gets more precious by the day. SO I guess Im like a sophmore now...? eh. Not as climactic as I thought it would sound, lol.
Ok so back to Sam Densley, who knows how that is going? He leaves for Hawaii tonight, and said he would come over to the Jr. High to see me before he left, but he couldnt because his mom was picking up. Ahh dissapointment. But I still love him. Errh.. ehh.. yah.
I hope everyone else has a fantastic summer!!
Today was FANTASTIC!!!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006 8:17 PM
Today was over all a pretty amazing day. Despite a few negative people [*cough* Mr. Nakhla]. I met with Cindy afterschool, and after we talked about Charity's work, I actually got to ask them to Charity on Instant Messaging. When she was telling me what she was doing, I felt so called to be there with her. She said she was called when she was 15 to go be in Sudan. And I feel like I should be too. I definetly want to go and visit when Im out of High School, and maybe get medical training in somwhere like India like she did. It makes me feel really good when I think about helping those people. So I will definitely be praying about this more!
Another reason this day rocked, was because Cindy told me that when she leaves Urraco at the end of August she will reccomend me to take her place, and even train me! If you know me very well you know I have been looking for a job, and this is like my dream job!!
Another great thing is now that I have that information on Charity, the concert is back on track! Now I can look for sponsors, get shirts and fliers made, and hopefully book more bands. This is all coming together really well. I still need prayer!
Thank you all so much for everything you do!
"Write this down, remember every word. Not what they told you way back when."
Another reason this day rocked, was because Cindy told me that when she leaves Urraco at the end of August she will reccomend me to take her place, and even train me! If you know me very well you know I have been looking for a job, and this is like my dream job!!
Another great thing is now that I have that information on Charity, the concert is back on track! Now I can look for sponsors, get shirts and fliers made, and hopefully book more bands. This is all coming together really well. I still need prayer!
Thank you all so much for everything you do!
"Write this down, remember every word. Not what they told you way back when."