Everything:infravermelho

Oh my goodness I need to breath. This week has been insane. I was taken out of perfect paradise and awesome fun and thrown into a whirlwind! The morning I got back from SNOW I had to open... I have worked so much this week, super long grueling day shifts. And I also have had a problem eating. I think I didnt eat enough on the way home/when I got home from Malibu so my stomach is like "Mah! Im rejecting food!" No literally, this morning when I get to work I was starving, so I ate some chow mein. Then I was like oh crap I feel like Im going to throw up. So in the middle of a HUGE rush I had to go to the bathroom and throw it all up, it was nasty. I felt a little better afterwards, but still hungry and super light headed and weak. But of course I am still at work because people are selfish and dont want to give up their Sundays, thanks. But my mom brought me down a sandwhich, I ate a little bit of it, but I am kind of scared to eat much food. My stomach still hurts, but I think I will make it without throwing up. I dont know, it's just so weird. Being hungry all the time but then when youe eat you feel worse. bleh.

While all this has been going on things with Matt have not been going smoothly. He felt like I was trying to cut him completley out of my life, which Im not, he seriously is one of my best friends whether we're "dating" or not. So he got really mad at me, and hurt, and tried to hurt me back by saying mean things. It was just bad. So I made him call me and he told me how he was feeling and I assured him that I still totally cared about him. So we were good for like... a day. But then yesterday he felt like I was not able to make the right decision... I didnt really understand because I thought I already did. It was all just sort of a big mis-understanding. Basically I want to listen to God and have us be apart, but he needs to know that I still care about him. So that is sort of the agreement that we came to.

Really I havent been able to even process any of this because I've been at work almost everyday since I've been back, and the lack of food as made my brain not think very good. Im just plain worn out. And Im not looking forward to Wednesday, I love Brad, and I don't want him to leave.

*sigh* I feel better