week 3
Wednesday, September 27, 2006 8:33 PM
i totally screwed up leading worship.
rewind to earlier in the day...
I got stuck at the school for two hours, making my long anticipated "half-day" a dissapointment. I went straight to Urraco and hung out there for a little while. Drank lots of caffiene, and mostly just stared at the wall. [I think Graydon thought I was a litttle crazy] Then I walked down to C3 and was overcome with a huge sense of tiredness. I have done a whole lot of singing the past 4 days and today my throat hurt bad, it feels like maybe im coming down with an ear infection or something. anyways, I wasnt exactly in the mood to sing or lead a band, and it basically just looked like I had a bad attitude. Im not going to deny it, I was just not feelin it.
so back to where we were...
i totally screwed up leading worship. on "Center" I never know when to start singing, and came in at totally the wrong time, I felt like crap. Justin pretty much had to walk Brandon through the whole song because he was so lost, thank goodness Justin is a smart guy. And then on "This is Our God" for some reason I sang the song completley different than it is supposed to be sung, and had to start completely over starting with, "Im so lost, I am way off". I know. I know. I am learning. but really... I am just not good at leading worship. I do not "shepard" my sheep. And I dont know what to say in between songs. Luckily next week they are bringing in a real band, now I will have a little break.
I have been going not stop for two weeks, I've had to do something everyday so far. And I really just need some time to rest and re-group myself, but that wont happen anytime soon, I am too strung out, and it is hard to unwind no matter where I am when I feel like this. School is a mess. I am pretty sure I'm failing more than one class, and I just can't seem to do my math work because I DONT KNOW HOW and I really dont give a crap about math [and science, not good there either].
I have had no desire to be home lately. Lauren creates a bad atmosphere, I do not like her. My mom is constantly asking me what's wrong and if im depressed and she is worried about me I think. I can't tell you what's wrong because I can't tell anyone, I'm depressed at the moment but I know it wont be for long so there's no point in telling you, you shouldnt be worried. I just want to sit quietly alone without people praying for me every second. im fine. thanks for listening to me complain without leaving a sympathetic comment. I really just wanted to vent :)
rewind to earlier in the day...
I got stuck at the school for two hours, making my long anticipated "half-day" a dissapointment. I went straight to Urraco and hung out there for a little while. Drank lots of caffiene, and mostly just stared at the wall. [I think Graydon thought I was a litttle crazy] Then I walked down to C3 and was overcome with a huge sense of tiredness. I have done a whole lot of singing the past 4 days and today my throat hurt bad, it feels like maybe im coming down with an ear infection or something. anyways, I wasnt exactly in the mood to sing or lead a band, and it basically just looked like I had a bad attitude. Im not going to deny it, I was just not feelin it.
so back to where we were...
i totally screwed up leading worship. on "Center" I never know when to start singing, and came in at totally the wrong time, I felt like crap. Justin pretty much had to walk Brandon through the whole song because he was so lost, thank goodness Justin is a smart guy. And then on "This is Our God" for some reason I sang the song completley different than it is supposed to be sung, and had to start completely over starting with, "Im so lost, I am way off". I know. I know. I am learning. but really... I am just not good at leading worship. I do not "shepard" my sheep. And I dont know what to say in between songs. Luckily next week they are bringing in a real band, now I will have a little break.
I have been going not stop for two weeks, I've had to do something everyday so far. And I really just need some time to rest and re-group myself, but that wont happen anytime soon, I am too strung out, and it is hard to unwind no matter where I am when I feel like this. School is a mess. I am pretty sure I'm failing more than one class, and I just can't seem to do my math work because I DONT KNOW HOW and I really dont give a crap about math [and science, not good there either].
I have had no desire to be home lately. Lauren creates a bad atmosphere, I do not like her. My mom is constantly asking me what's wrong and if im depressed and she is worried about me I think. I can't tell you what's wrong because I can't tell anyone, I'm depressed at the moment but I know it wont be for long so there's no point in telling you, you shouldnt be worried. I just want to sit quietly alone without people praying for me every second. im fine. thanks for listening to me complain without leaving a sympathetic comment. I really just wanted to vent :)