Everything:infravermelho

So.. pretty much today I learned that I am very much not over all the stuff that has happened. With Lauren and my dad mostly. I've learned that anyone is capable of any kind of lying. I've watched my mom lie to us, leave, and go sleep with another man. She would say "I'm going to take a nap, I'm really tired." And later when we would drive by "his" house, she would be there. MY MOM. My dad has told me more times than I can count, "I'm going to a meeting." Does he think that we dont know that AA meetings dont last for 3 days? "Gee dad how was the meeting, must have been good!" I've watched my sister for four years tell us she WASNT high. But really, she was SO high that she didnt even know what high and not high was anymore, it was just all numb. She's never had any kind of punishment for what she did to us. She had her baby, Makenna's as healthy as can be (dont get me wrong im SO glad), but she's never had to go to jail, she's never been arrested, never caught using meth. She's never even said she's sorry. That would be some apology.. "Hey, umm.. I'm sorry for ruining your life." But no, I dont even think she realizes what she did, let alone feels bad about it. She got off free and clear. I can't control anything anyone does. But I HATE it because I'm affected by all of it. I didnt do any of this, but im just put through hell (and its nothing less than hell). And I have no voice in this family. I get mad because my mom lets everybody just freeload off her. "Can I have some money mom? Even though i'm 20, i live with you, my boyfriends 26 and doesnt want to give a job, and I dropped out of high school because im lazy? Please, I'll pay you back. (even though I have no way of getting money). And then because I tell my mom NOT to do that, everyone calls me obsessive and anal. Oh im sorry MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A FUCKING JOB.
im done. im not over this, i just realized how many times I've been stabbed in the heart, and I just kind of that I could move on when things got better. But I cant, I'm wounded.